fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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