if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
