i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
In other news, I just burned my penis
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
