now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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