I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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