Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
When did angry sex become our thing?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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