im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
