Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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