I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Buhtt sex?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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