Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
