Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
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