Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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