Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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