She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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