she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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