so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize