i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
