speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dicks are not precious.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize