Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
