She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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