we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
