My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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