I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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