there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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