He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
