i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
