i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
