Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
