Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
