She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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