3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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