sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Come share oat with me in your robe
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