i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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