my sisters under your porch take her home
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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