She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
