I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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