Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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