I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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