How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
