Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
My boob is missing a layer of skin
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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