Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
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