A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
