so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
