The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
