Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
