I think im going to throw up on grandma
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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