direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
