I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Randomize
