oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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