I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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