Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
