would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
