when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
