Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
