I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
